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Wednesday, December 16, 2009
So, it's a very busy, eventful, and exciting time for me!
My last final exam is tomorrow morning, I graduate on Saturday, Christmas is just over a week away, and I am now engaged! Naturally, I have a lot to talk about!
Like this obnoxious commercial for the Scotch Gift Wrap Cutter! What the hell, man?! Have you seen this thing? It's just as bad as the previous offender (the toothpaste dispenser) as far as making the people who it would most help look like motor-challenged baboons that have had a stroke.
I tried to find a video of it to embed here, but Scotch is keeping that one to themselves. A snippet of it is at the bottom of this page under "Current Ads" and labeled "Gift Wrap Cutter & Pop-up Tape."
Have you ever had that problem using scissors? Be honest! It hasn't happened! Yes, they typically make more of a ripped edge than a cut edge if they're not sharp enough, and they can make bigger rips if you don't get a good straight sweep going. But that is not the issue with the person in this commercial. This person is trying to make individual cuts, separate from one another, and apparently improperly aligned for reasons that we can only begin to guess. Sure, this person would benefit from your nifty little gift wrap magic device, but what about those of us who aren't that baboon?
Come on, advertising departments! If you have a product that you will only be able to sell to people too impaired to use scissors, maybe you just have too specific a product. Or, if this is a breakthrough designed for people with this specific issue, just say it.Use that in your ad. Don't try to cover it up by acting like this could be anyone's problem, assclown.
Wisdom of the Moment: "In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went to church; the Jews called it 'Hanukka' and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say 'Merry Christmas!' or 'Happy Hanukka!' or (to the atheists) 'Look out for the wall!'" ~Dave Barry
Posted at 12:53 pm by Burtonhead
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Sunday, November 15, 2009
It drives me nuts how the people on infomercials are so obviously incompetent. After watching them struggle to perform simple, every day tasks I do not want to be told by the announcer that this product can help them, and me. I do not have these struggles, please do not relate me to these people.
I just watched as people struggled to make toothpaste come out of a tube. The one tube was not even at that almost-empty phase when it could be an issue; it was still usable and they were squirting toothpaste all over the place with it.
Then they showed the sink and the mess that stray toothpaste causes. This is not my mess; I do not make this mess, because I am not toothpaste tubically challenged. This mess is the creation of a creature that should not be allowed to use the tube without supervision. Perhaps not the brush, either. In fact, why don't we just get them a feeding tube so they don't have to worry about these kinds of things.
The solution is not much better. They want you to buy a canister that airlocks the tube and dispenses the perfect amount because your dumb ass can't figure out this thing that has been used for freaking ever. I think the target audience has children who make these messes, but I feel like that's crippling their growth. What happens when they get older and they go to a friend's house and that friend doesn't have the canister? Social awkwardness ensues as their friend just stares at them holding the tube over the brush waiting for it to dispense itself. Once they see that they have to do it themselves, then the mess from the beginning of the commercial happens, and the cycle traps them forever. The only way to avoid this is to never buy one to start and tell your kids that if they make that toothpaste mess all over the bathroom, they have to clean it up. Stand over them and make them do it. This lesson will transfer to other activities, I promise.
Wisdom of the Moment: Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe. ~Albert Einstein
Posted at 11:21 pm by Burtonhead
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Tuesday, September 08, 2009
The Lake of the Dismal Swamp
By Thomas Moore, 1806
"They made her a grave, too cold and damp
"For a soul so warm and true;
"And she's gone to the Lake of the Dismal Swamp,
"Where, all night long, by a firefly lamp,
"She paddles her white canoe.
"And her firefly lamp I soon shall see,
"And her paddle I soon shall hear;
Long and loving our life shall be,
"And I'll hide the maid in a cypress tree,
"When the footstep of death is near."
Away to the Dismal Swamp he speeds-
His path was rugged and sore,
Through tangled juniper, beds of reeds,
Through many a fen, where the serpent feeds,
And man never trod before.
And, when on the earth he sunk to sleep,
If slumber his eyelids knew,
He lay, where the deadly vine doth weep
Its venomous tear and nightly steep
The flesh with blistering dew!
And near him the she wolf stirr'd the brake,
And the copper snake breath'd in his ear,
Till he starting cried, from his dream awake,
"O, when shall I see the dusky Lake,
"And the white canoe of my dear?"
He saw the Lake, and a meteor bright
Quick over its surface play'd-
"Welcome," he said, "my dear one's light!"
And the dim shore echoed, for many a night,
The name of the death-cold maid.
Till he hollow'd a boat of the birchen bark,
Which carried him off from shor;
Far, far he follow'd the meteor spark,
The wind was high and the clouds were dark,
And the boat return'd no more.
But oft, from the Indian hunter's camp
This lover and maid so true
Are seen at the hour of midnight damp
To cross the Lake by a firefly lamp,
And paddle their white canoe!
Posted at 12:51 pm by Burtonhead
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Thursday, July 02, 2009
The boys kept asking me questions about D&D, so I decided to try to teach them to play.
I'm going to severely water down the rules and actions and things (thought I"m still not entirely sure how, yet...) so that they get it but have fun with it.
At first I wasn't going to use minis because I don't want the boys throwing them or doing dumb stuff to them, but I realized that without minis the game will lose a huge element of fun for them, so I'll just have to say from the start that as soon as someone mishandles a mini, we stop. Depending on the degrees of damage, they may owe me a new mini.
I'll keep you updated on how it goes unless it's too boring to even blog about.
Posted at 11:40 pm by Burtonhead
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Wednesday, June 10, 2009
For a fleeting instant when I started babysitting I thought that perhaps I could spend the summer teaching the boys to play D&D.
After one visit I realized that the 9-year-old twins were not likiely to be able to learn it even if I toned it down severely. However, as I kept going, I saw them playing several online roleplaying games like Wizards 101 (which, by the way, looks interesting enough that I might want to join even if it is meant for kids and tweenagers) and we can't ignore how much time they spend playing Pokemon (a gateway RPG!) which is turn-based and could give me ground for comparisons.
Yesterday I decided to ask the boys if they were interested in learning, and I was met with the response, "I've never heard of that..."
...damn. Ok, not going to work. Turns out, Pokemon aside, the twins are completely "nerd retarded" as Jeff called it. They would not be into most video games that are not Madden, they are almost guaranteed to never pick up a trading card game (they have Pokemon cards, but I don't think they play), and they are certainly going to resist learning a tabletop game if it could make them seem less cool.
The oldest, however, seems to have a chance at being interested and teachable, but I doubt I can teach just him because I'd basically be ignoring his brothers.
I think I'm just itching to teach someone else to play because I feel like it will allow me to upgrade from my current status as a new player. And if I taught the boys, I'd be doing it without any other players around, so it would be all me, and that would be cool, too. We'll see, but I don't hold out high hopes for them.
Wisdom of the Moment: "Hello, Daisy May, there you are!" ~Words uttered by me upon spotting the silly hamster under the cabinet.
Posted at 11:28 am by Burtonhead
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Friday, May 29, 2009
I haven't really had a chance to sit and relax since I got home from school!
The day after I got home I had to go meet the boys I would start babysitting, then I helped Rachel make favors for the wedding, then I spent 3 days just generally preparing for the wedding (packing, making appointments, finding jewelry, freaking out, etc), then the actual wedding (it was amazing, check my Facebook for photos!), and then housesitting for Rachel and Dave while they were on their honeymoon, and this weekend I plan to organize Dad and Tina's CDs and then Monday I start housesitting for Aunt Denise while still babysitting and somewhat packing for Hawaii!
Somebody let me breathe!
All the while, my room here is a total wreck because my dorm stuff has just sort of settled and grown roots, and I would put it in my closet, but the closet needs to be cleaned out first because it's full of stuff that doesn't need to be in there and could be moved to the storage room downstairs, and I just do not know when I'm supposed to find the time to do such a thing! I would love for someone to come over and just make me stay in my room on task to do it, but I'm so busy until Hawaii, and as soon as I come back from that babysitting will become an all-day thing because the boys will be out of school, so only a weekend would work and who knows if I'll even have days of staying at home for it then anyway!
Aaargh, I'm going to bed!
Wisdom of the Moment: A messy room is a sign of a brilliant mind ~Unknown
Posted at 12:16 am by Burtonhead
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Monday, April 27, 2009
The Ultimate in Decadence
I was watching the Travel Channel today and they were doing a special on places that sell unique or special ice cream. While watching, I was shown what is possibly the most decadent and lascivious thing I've seen in a while.
It's called "The Golden Opulence Sundae" and it's sold at a restaurant in NYC called Serendipity 3. It costs $1,000 and has to be reserved at least two days in advance because the ingredients must be specially flown in from all around the globe. Here's why it costs so much:
- It is served in a Baccarat goblet and eaten with an 18kt gold spoon
- The goblet is lined with 23Kt gold foil in which the sundae itself is then composed
- At the bottom is poured a mix of the rarest and the most expensive chocolates in the world
- Tahitian vanilla ice cream is added and topped with shavings from Madagascar vanilla beans
- Gold flakes are sprinkled over the ice cream, then a rare and expensive candy fruit is added to the side of the goblet
- Special almonds coated in 23Kt gold are placed on top of the ice cream
- A unique and exclusive sugar flower is created (which takes 8 hours) and added at the side of the goblet
- Passion fruit caviar is added on top of the sundae and it is all topped with one final dusting of gold flakes
The picture doesn't really do it justice, you have to see it on TV piece-by-piece to get the full impact.
The restaurant came up with the idea for this sundae when they were celebrating their 50th year of business, the golden year.
A woman on the show ate one and claimed that it was the best thing she'd ever eaten. I don't think I would have the guts to deny it if it wasn't. Nevermind that I would prefer chocolate and I can't imagine that gold couldn't go to some better use than sparkling up the septic system.
Wisdom of the Moment: "America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between." ~Oscar Wilde
Posted at 01:36 am by Burtonhead
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Friday, April 24, 2009
She's become so noisy in her cage that I have to lock her up in a closet at night so I can sleep. I don't think she minds though because she seems to stay up later in the total darkness and sleeps better during the day.
She'll be really mad at me tomorrow when I vacuum. It always wakes her up and makes her shoot me the grumpy face.
Her new nickname is "Grumbelina."
Widsom of the Moment: "No cat out of its first fur was ever deceived by appearances, unlike human beings, who seems to enjoy it." ~The Last Unicorn
Posted at 12:23 am by Burtonhead
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Wednesday, March 25, 2009
This morning my hamster did the most humiliating thing (which is really saying something considering she's a hamster and they always do humiliating things).
She was asleep in her dome pod where she usually sleeps, and in her new cage it is attached by a tube to the main cage. She was resting her chin on the ledge where the tunnel leads into the pod, and she must have repositioned or something...
I heard shoom and looked to find an upside-down hamster at the bottom of the tube, still asleep.
She stayed asleep until I reached in and pet her with my finger, which gently and slowly caused her to wake, which means she must have been absolutely dead asleep.
It was a new level of ridiculously silly for her, and I wish I'd gotten a picture.
Wisdom of the Moment: "'Tee hee!' cried she, and clapped the window to."~ Quote from Chaucer that is not funny out of context.
Posted at 09:30 pm by Burtonhead
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Monday, March 23, 2009
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Bulbasaur - because Bulbasaur is awesome and that's that
Mudkip - because I need a water type in my team and Mudkip is adorable
Pikachu - best of the electric type considering I already have a level 100 Luxray (Jolteon was strongly considered, but Raichu kind of kicks his ass and I will make an all-eevee team later)
Dratini - I have never had the patience to get a Dragonite, so we'll see
Larvitar - Pupitar phase will be annoying, but Tyranitar will be cool
Cyndaquil - Hard choice between this one and Vulpix, but Typhlosion stats looked better than Ninetails.
